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musings while hung over... [21 Nov 2006|02:42pm]
[ mood | high ]

So i drank a bottle of wine last night. All to myself... and i wonder why people say i'm a lush... oh well. I'm going to be back in Oklahoma on the 27th of this month. Dusty and I are coming back to get all our shit out of storage. We'll fly in on the 27th, get the rental truck (Budget is WAYYYYYYY cheaper than U-haul, by the way... travel tips) as soon as we get off the plane, then we're gonna get together with whoever wants to see us at some bar in Norman most likely. And then we'll be off Tuesday morning so we can make it back to Indiana in time to get to work on wednesday. So, if you want to hang out with us for the one night we're gonna be in town, then Monday night is the night to do it. Things have been going really well up here. I work all the time. My sleep schedule is all kinds of crazy... I pretty much sleep whenever i can find the time... At least i'm not working 14 hours a day anymore. It's gotten down to about 10 hours a day... I had 30 hours of overtime on my last paycheck... but my pay is freakin awesome, so i'm totally not complaining. It's nice to have a job that I like, finally.
So... Dusty and I came up with this idea that in a year we're gonna try and get hired to work in a casino on a cruise ship... do like a 6 month contract or something... i'm really seriously considering it... what better way to see the world than to get paid for it (and not enlist)? Anyway, that's all i've got for now. Remember... November 27th. Come get trashed with me. Later.

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indiana so far... [01 Oct 2006|08:10pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

okay... so the first night in indiana, dusty and i get some food cravings around 3 in the morning and embark out of the hotel room to go to the car in search of a gas station that might happen to be open in this Small Town, USA... and right as we emerge from the room, some RANDOM ASS FAT NAKED GUY steps out of the room 2 doors down from us. We totally saw the whole full frontal. Ugh... Nice little 'welcome to our part of the country', eh? French Lick is a tiny town. Apparently about 6 months before i got here, locals were picketing about the casino because it would change their way of life. I've seen more rednecks and all-terrain vehicles out here than i ever have in one place in my entire life. There is thick, life threatening fog that blankets EVERYTHING almost every night, so you're reduced to driving 25 miles an hour on roads that you'd normally drive like, 60. And every road is deathly curvy, esp at night. with the fog. Anything normal, like Barnes and Noble, is at least 45 minutes away. The job is pretty cool though. And the casino is fuckin gorgeous. Even if it is in the middle of nowhere... i'm in a mild state of culture shock at the moment. Anyway, that's all i can think of right now, so... hope everything is cool... please wish good thought for me like... please don't let becca die in the creepy ass fog. peace.

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my pile shakes as i hit 80 on the open road... [07 Sep 2006|03:34pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

You know, as much shit as i may get for this, i really like Eve 6. And the song is kind of appropriate for today, since in a few hours, i will be driving away from oklahoma onto a new part of my life in indiana. Today is my last day in oklahoma for awhile... at least living here-wise, i'll be back in a month or two to get the rest of my stuff. It still doesn't feel like I'm really about to leave. I really appreciate everyone who came to the respective parties last friday and yesterday, i'm really glad i got to party with you guys and spend some time with all of you before departing. This is gonna get kind of mushy, but I just want all of you to know how much i'm gonna miss you. You guys are like family, and it's gonna be really weird not being able to just see you whenever. Anyway... you all mean the world to me. Thanks for being there. Okay, well, take care everybody, and i'll see you whenever i make it back to OK. Peace.

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i'm leaving oklahoma soon [30 Aug 2006|10:22pm]
[ mood | excited ]

so, i'm gonna be out of here on September 8th. That's almost just one week away. I'm excited and nervous and scared and ecstatic all at the same time. I think this is one of the biggest things I've ever done, being kind of far away from everything i've ever known... being away from any family or anything... it's both exhilarating and nauseating. Anyway, mostly I just wanted to say that there's a going away party at Bryce and Taylor's on the 1st, which is this friday, and everyone should come, i really want as many people there as can come. So, it kicks off at nine pm, it's BYOB, and it's the last time i'll be able to hang out and party with you guys for quite some time. So, there's the heads up.

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i think i'm still drunk... [15 Jul 2006|11:33am]
[ mood | drunk ]

man, i love birthdays... i just wanted to say that i had a blast at my shin-dig last night, and i am sooo glad for everyone that came and hung out and ate my food and drank my beer, because it was a kick ass time, and i'm just really happy about everyone who came out and helped me celebrate... and for once my ass isn't sore the next day... whew! you know, i think i was doing really good drunk-wise til i did that keg stand... oh yeah, and all the shots... mmm, it was totally worth it though... even though i really really think i'm still technically drunk, cause everything is kind of spinny around the edges... but hey, i've still got that keg, so if you guys want to have a Becca's birthday part 2, go for it, cause i've gotta float it in 2 days or i don't get my deposit back, so PLEASE come drink it with me... i mean, i like beer and all, but i don't think i can drink half a keg all to myself... anyway, come drink more! and have a great day

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what's been going on.... [01 Jul 2006|04:48pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

so i'm over at my friend eddie's house watching him get ready for his show tonight that i am too broke to go to... oh well, i'll probably go party with him after the show. I've been cleaning my grandparents house for the past couple of days because i am such a great grand daughter... plus, they've helped me out alot, especially lately, so i figured i should help them out too. Also, my birthday is less than two weeks away! whoo hoo! it's on a friday... not this friday, but next friday, so here's what i'm thinking... either a BBQ at the house, or a pub crawl, probably in brick town... i don't know everyone's financial situation, so i'm thinking the BBQ might be more practical. Anyway, everyone here is invited, i will be totally insulted if you guys don't come. So, give me some feedback on what would be more kosher for everyone, because i'd really like as many people as can come to come. So yeah, just post a comment, or gimme a call, let me know. In other news, my official start date in indiana is September 11th, so i'll be out of oklahoma sometime right before then. And... i got a job at TCIM, we'll see how long this lasts... and, that's about it for me right now. I'm gonna go jam out for awhile, so take it easy guys!

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i hate having to think up subjects... [12 Jun 2006|02:40pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

Someone told me the other day that i'm fragile. That's kind of been fucking with me lately. I don't want to be. I don't want to take things so personally that aren't intentionally directed at me. But it's hard not to take things personally when people blow you off and don't return your phone calls and seem to give you the constant brush off. I don't know how to react to that, i never have. I just sit back, and do nothing, and let it drive me crazy until i forget about it. And by then, there's one less person in my life. It's a pattern, and it's fucked up, and i don't know how to break the cycle. Lately it seems that the people i want most in my life are the people that are the farthest away that they could be. and it sucks. i hate it, and there's nothing i can do about it but just deal with the way things are. I just wish things could be different.

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ugh.... [06 Jun 2006|01:43pm]
[ mood | drained ]

so. life has been pretty much a mixture of crappy shit, awesome shit, and random fucked up shit. I mean, it usually is, but it's been more so lately... so... for example, i happened to notice while putting groceries in my car last night, that my tag really didn't look like my tag... it had the wrong expiration date and everything. So, i get home from wal-mart, and call the police to see what i should do about this. They sent a cop over, which kind of broke up one of ronnie's get togethers (oh well, there were some skanky bitches over there anyway...) and i come to find out that my tag had indeed been switched, and my car was carrying the tag from a stolen cadillac. WTF????? WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT ACTUALLY HAPPEN TO???? other than me. so i had to spend all goddamn day running around trying to get a tag put on my car, dealing with shit from the tag agency and from the cops and ugh... and it's really fucking hot outside, which isn't helping ANYTHING. And i've felt really fucking self-destructive lately... i dunno... i just don't give a shit about anything, and i know i should, but i just can't seem to muster the energy. i don't know man... it's just been one of those weeks where i can't seem to do anything right and nothing goes right and it just makes me not even care about anything anymore. i know i'll get over it, and that nothing is really that big a deal, but... it's just hard to convince yourself of that sometimes. Anyway, other than that, colorado was fucking awesome, i'm really glad i went and got to hang out with my lil sis... we got totally trashed the entire time, and i didn't do one scandelous thing, which is really good for me sometimes, hahaha. I got to play at some kick ass open mics, and got some REALLY good reception from every one and... well... denver fucking rocks, that's all i gotta say. And one of my best friends just happens to be in town at the moment (which is kind of my fault, but... she still loves me), so, i'm really stoked about that, and i'm trying to get over all my other emo bullshit so that we can have a good time. Anyway, hope all is well with everyone. Peace.

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soooooo much alcohol the other night... [15 May 2006|05:31pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

well, congrats to tiffanie and amy on graduating. Yay! So, tiffanie's graduation party was awesome. SO much alcohol... i don't know if i ever want to be bartender again, i got way too drunk WAY too fast and apparently puked alot. But i don't remember that, thank god for blackouts. So, I was hung over for mother's day. i'm a bad daughter. oh, well. So, it's pretty much official that i'm going to indiana either the last week of august or the first week of september. i am very excited. And, it's officially less than 2 months til my birthday, a huge shindig will commence in celebration sometime around the 14th of july. i'll keep you posted. Anyway, hope all is well with everyone.

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randomness... [08 May 2006|03:11pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

okay, so i haven't updated in awhile... let's see what's been going on in my life so far... well, the most recent happening is that one of my best friends in the entire world moved to colorado this weekend, which kind of sucks because she's not really close by anymore. it's only been a couple of days, and i know she's only a phone call away, but i really miss her. i have a lunch meeting with my old manager at remington park on friday to discuss going with her to a new casino that is opening in indiana as a supervisor in the cashiers cage. this meeting is to discuss finalizing those plans. it's fucking awesome, they're going to pay me 40,000 a year. so, if things go as planned (as i'm pretty sure they will), then i'll be leaving in september to move to indiana indefinitely. i am EXTREMELY excited about this. so, for everyone i know in oklahoma, this summer is probably going to be it, kiddos, so let's party it up. ummm... my sister is moving to new york on june 1st. I'm really happy for her, she's been trying to get out of this state ever since she moved back. so, now i'll have yet another excuse to go to new york whenever i can, whoo hoo! you know, there's alot that's happened recently that should be making me feel all mopey and depressed and whatnot, but there's just too much big stuff going well that i can't help feeling kind of happy and optomistic (which is kind of a new thing for me). so, that's pretty much all that's been going on with me lately, hope everyone is doing well.

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chillin... [20 Apr 2006|07:03pm]
[ mood | high ]

so... happy 420 everyone! i don't know what everyone else is doing on this wonderful day of ganga celebration, but whatever it may be, i hope everyone is having fun and being safe or whatever. So, yeah. Happy smokin', everyone.

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my hands are dyed green... [18 Mar 2006|02:18pm]
[ mood | hungry ]

so, last night was hella fun. well, mostly fun. Me, angel, jay, and ty went to kim's new house to celebrate st. patricks day in the tiny ol' town of lexington. we managed to make it to her house unscathed, and got right down to the drinking. we killed a bottle of chocolate vodka, played some beer pong, and then headed into slaughterville to this TINY little hick bar where we played pool and darts (which i TOTALLY dominated, hahaha) and kim and i split a gram of shrooms... which was a very potent half gram, by the way. we stumbled back to kim's house after much beer was consumed (including doing rum shots in the parking lot), and finished our celebration by dying our drinks green and then, for some drunken reason, dropping the green dye on our tongues making us all look like we had never brushed our teeth in our lives. yay for the irish! then we headed home, and the craziness didn't stop there! angel was driving my car, because i was WAY to fucked up to drive, and after like, 10 minutes, jay made her pull over so HE could drive, because apparently she was driving all crazy-like. well, not less than 5 minutes after we switched drivers, we get pulled over. And the good ol' boy cops insisted that they smelled weed (which the DIDN'T, no one smoked the entire night) and made us all get out one at a time, get patted down, and then my car was searched and searched and RESEARCHED by fuckin deputy dawg or whatever... he searched my car like, 4 times, i'm not kidding... in the middle of the night, in the rain, with us sitting out side on the hood of the cop car. so, when he started the 4th search (because 3 just wasn't good enough), i got a little irate. yeah... i kind of yelled at the cops a little bit for them being ridiculous, because there OBVIOUSLY wasn't anything in my car if he hadn't found anything the first 3 fucking times he looked. finally, the cop ceased the search of my car, looking very dejected that he had no reason to detain us any longer, and let us go on our merry way. Fucking hick cops. I still can't believe that i yelled at them though. It felt kind of good. Anyway, happy st patricks day to everyone, and i hope all of you were safe and had a great time. Oh yeah. I'm moving in with angel. Later!

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chillin... [20 Jan 2006|03:33pm]
[ mood | high ]

So, I'm sitting here in a hippie's living room in maryland smokin some great shit with kristol, nicky, and her boyfriend. i'm trying to sober up a little (kinda) before I embark on my drive up to jersey that i will be taking shortly to see my mom and step-dad. I just wanted to say sorry for my roommate's behavior at your party, amy. if i had any idea that he might get like that, i wouldn't have brought him with me. Anyway, life outside of oklahoma is great as always, except that viriginia is full of nothing but hillbilly ass-backwards country folk who look at me like i'm about to spew Satan out of the middle of my forhead. ACK! Virginia sucks ass... anyway, kristol says hi, and i'm sick of typing. Peace.

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late night musings... [06 Dec 2005|12:45am]
[ mood | drunk ]

okay, so i def know that the chickasaws just totally sucked and did not see my potential at all, because after only 3 weeks of being at my job, i have been promoted to full time and offered a 2 dollar an hour raise. how cool is that? esp when you're used to being a broke hippie? So, right now, i'm sitting at my friend Ty's house, who is a totally rocking chick with awesome artwork, and drinking some vanilla rum and coke. which tastes heavenly. it is the best drink ever. and i am enjoying OKC immensely. i like being really close to work. the only thing that sucks is that i can't keep my cats, so tomorrow i have to take them to an animal shelter since i couldn't find anyone to take them from me. i feel really bad. the animal shelter is like... having your children turned over to the state. sigh... i hope they'll be okay. i feel horrible about it. tomorrow is totally going to suck because of that. But, other than that, life is really good. So, yeah. Yay for life. Oh, and to everybody. I lost my phone. I don't have anyone's numbers anymore. So, if i haven't already gotten your number from you, please e-mail it to me at rebecjk@hotmail.com, or just leave it on as a voicemail, because i still check my voicemail at least twice a day. Anyway, I hope all is well with you all. Peace.

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ahhh, life.... [25 Nov 2005|10:12pm]
[ mood | happy ]

so, thanksgiving was pretty fun. i hung out at my grandparents and my older sister was actually completely okay with alienating the rest of the family for once. So, that was nice, to finally have someone on my side about how much the redneck side of my family totally SUCKS. My job is going really well, i like the whole only working 3 days a week but still working 30-35 hours a week thing. And i'm moving up to okc this weekend, which is also nice, and money saving. I am totally breaking my lease, but that's okay, it's less expensive for me to do it that way. And my roommate Edward totally rocks, he is an amazing drummer, and a really fun guy. On Wednesday, as I was leaving work, I got this awesome message on my phone from Kristol and Edward that they, and a few other people, were tripping shrooms and that I definitely had to come and participate. So, I got to randomly trip shrooms on wednesday. They were really good shrooms, too. I was very happy. And, Edward is SUCH a nice little hippie rocker kid, we get along really well. I just hope that we continue to do so once we're roommates. But, I don't see how we wouldn't be, we totally just get each other, and it's cool. So, by the end of sunday night, I won't be in Norman anymore. I'd really appreciate help from anyone, but I understand it's short notice, and if you can't, that's cool. I don't really have a whole lot to move anyway. So... that's what's going on with me. I like my job, I'm moving to a cool place where I can work on music all the time and be closer to my family and awesome people. I'm really looking forward to things for once, so that's a good thing. Oh, and I helped Meredith with her thesis by recording random talking and noise for the dance she is choreographing. It was really fun. So, peace, guys, and happy holidays.

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dallas random funness [20 Nov 2005|02:44pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

So, I went to Dallas last night to watch my friend Eddie's band play. They totally rock. Their calles Skies Fallen, and they have a website, and everyone should check them out cause they rock my socks off. Anyway, they played at this place called the Double Wide. It has a papermache tornado spinning on the roof, and pride's itself on it's trashiness. And only sells beer in cans. They have a full bar and everything too, but if you want beer, it's in a can. So, my gay uncle came out and hung out with us while his band was on, and bought us drinks, which was awesome, and told us how to get to the gay district, which we checked out after the show. It was hilarious! There was a tall skinny drag queen on the sidewalk rockin out on his guitar and teeny teeny amp. He played us a Beatles song. I think it was Please Please Me. Hahahaha, it was sooo funny. Then we got lost in a sea of lesbians, which wouldn't have been so bad if most of them weren't 40 and butch. Anyway, we stayed at a Motel 6 and drank 8 point Steely's, and I drank a Sparks in honor of Angel. Man... so much randomness. Anyway, we made it back in one piece, and now I'm gonna start packing and looking for a new home for my cats, cause I think i'm gonna move in with eddie to be closer to work and save some money. And, he's allergic to cats, which sucks, but I guess I'm just gonna have to sacrafice some stuff to survive. I can't afford to support them right now anyway, and they need someone who can. So, if anyone knows anyone who wants some cats, lemme know. I've gotta have a home for them by the 30th. SO, goodbye Norman, hello OKC. Peace.

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here's a repost from august 2004. i still dig it. [16 Nov 2005|10:25pm]
[ mood | moody ]

I remember how you used to make me feel.
For awhile, you made me the best person I have ever been.
The faith in me you had meant so much,
but I could never tell you.
You left.
I took and took until there was nothing left
of the beautiful girl that I met, and loved.
But I didn't know how to love you;
I was so wrapped up in how you made me feel,
that I forgot about you.
Does that make sense?
I was selfish,
and I'm sorry.
I realize now that I can't go back
and sorry could never excuse the wrongs we have done
to each other.
You helped shape me into a better person
by forcing me to tear down everything I thought I was.
I wish I could tell you this.
I wish we could have made it work,
I wish...
that we could lay our heads down together
and form into one another again.
I felt the safest there...
If I had just said the words I knew you needed to hear,
but was too shy to say...

but I realize that I have accidentally done
every right thing to ensure that we will never be.

I weep, my love...
I weep.





Addendum at 7:52 AM, 11/17/2005

I wish hot water would last forever. I remember when I was little, I'd sit in the bottom of the tub and plug my ears while the water rushed over me so that it sounded like it was raining in my head. I had forgotten that... that it was one of the things i loved so much about living, that I could figure that out. Oh, well. Off to work.

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something to ponder... ahh, the beauty of adrienne rich [16 Nov 2005|08:59pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

This apartment full of books could crack open
to the thick jaws, the bulging eyes
of monsters, easily: Once open the books, you have to face
the underside of everything you've loved -
the rack and pincers held in readiness, the gag
even the best voices have had to mumble through,
the silence burying unwanted childresn -
women, deviants, witnesses - in desert sand.
Kenneth tells me he's been arranging his books
so he can look at Blake and Kafka while he types;
yes, and we still have to reckon with Swift
loathing the woman's flesh while praising her mind,
Goethe's dread of the Mothers, Claudel vilifying Gide,
and the ghosts - their hands clasped for centuries -
of artists dying in childbirth, wise-women charred at the stake,
centuries of books unwritten piled behind these shelves;
and we still have to stare into the absence
of men who would not, women who could not, speak
to our life - this still unexcavated hole
called civilization, this act of translation, this half-world.

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AAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [14 Nov 2005|10:06pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!! I am totally stressed out right now. That's all i have to say.

2 comments|post comment

crazy random nights continue... and get stranger and stranger... [13 Nov 2005|01:52am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

so... lilly's birthday is today... as of midnight... and we went to the XXXtasy Ranch to chill with some fine ass dirty strippers... and lilly was totally funny and crazy and all up in everyone's shit... and now we're chillin at my apartment waiting for 2:30 to roll around so we can go chill at stripper 7's house (yes, her name is 7), and amber and i totally got her number and address and got us invited over cause we rock so hardcore,... and do some x. for free. so, rock. this evening has been totally hilarious and random, and now i'm gonna totally trip out and probably participate in some... well... group activities. So, happy birthday to lilly... christ, i'll update tomorrow on the continuing crazyness. i'm gonna go eat a pita now. peace.

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